The Ultimate Guide to Counselling and Psychotherapy: How Therapy Helps You Heal and Grow

What is Counselling and Psychotherapy?

Counselling and psychotherapy are powerful tools for healing and growth. This guide from a Glasgow-based therapist explores how they can help you find clarity, confidence, and connection.

Pets can calm nerves, and sometimes become our most unexpected therapeutic assistants.

Everyone has heard the terms ‘therapy,’ ‘psychotherapy’ and ‘counselling.’ They conjure up images of sofas and tub chairs; an older lady wearing a cardigan, glasses, and a chunky necklace; maybe a notebook and a pen; tissues, and lots and lots of tears. (Spoiler alert: it can look like that… it can also look like two people sitting cross-legged on the floor; walking in nature; using coloured pens and massive sheets of paper to express something that refuses to organise itself into words.) But what is therapy, exactly?

In this piece we’ll look at

·       What therapy is,

·       What problems therapy can and cannot help you with,

·       The benefits of therapy,

·       How therapy works in practice,

·       How I work as a therapist in Glasgow and online.

All this will help you decide whether you need it, whether now is a good time to start, and who you might want to work with to get the most out of it.

A note on terminology: in this article I will use the words ‘therapy,’ ‘psychotherapy’, and ‘counselling’ interchangeably. Some argue that there are differences, but I disagree.

Who Is Therapy for? Common Reasons People Seek Counselling

Most people consider counselling or psychotherapy because something in life isn’t working. Few people seek it out because everything is rosy and they want to keep it that way (although therapy for maintenance is completely legitimate, and much more established in the USA than here in the UK). What we in therapy world call the presenting problem – the kind of unhappiness that prompts us to reach for therapy – varies hugely across individuals, but we can group them into broad categories.

Here are some of the most common reasons people start therapy:

• A major life event

• Recurring patterns

• A vague sense that something’s wrong

• Long-standing issues

Let’s unpack these. Some people come to therapy because of a big life event that has left them reeling. These can range from the death of a loved one (bereavement) through the ending of a relationship (e.g. a divorce) to experiences of sudden, violent harm (e.g. physical assault or car accident). In these cases, we can point to something concrete and say, “this is what we’re working with.” (Another spoiler: these events are often where the work starts, but not where it ends.)

At other times, people notice patterns in their lives they dislike. This might be an emotion they feel ‘too much of’, and ‘too often’ (e.g. “I’m always anxious” or “I don’t know where this sadness comes from”), or a relational pattern, such as romantic relationships or friendships ending abruptly (e.g. “Everyone leaves me”).

Sometimes people notice unhelpful behavioural patterns, such as around avoidance of failure (think dating or job interviews). Some people feel like bad things keep happening to them for unclear reasons (“Why do I always end up here?”) Sometimes patterns of negative feelings and self-judgement become so strong that they morph into beliefs about someone’s identity or sense of self: “I’m too much,” “I’m unloveable,” “I’m broken.”

Occasionally, people have been aware for a long time that they might benefit from therapy but they’ve had to wait for their situation to stabilise enough so they can embark on this journey. This is often the case for people who grew up in an abusive environment, and have been forced to simply survive until they have achieved a degree of financial and emotional independence, which finally enables them to begin processing their childhood experiences.

And sometimes, people begin therapy with only a vague sense of what’s wrong. If we think about it, expecting someone to articulate what they’re struggling with is a big ask. You don’t have to know exactly what you need therapy for – in fact, even if you think you do, you probably don’t. That’s part of the human condition, and it’s part of what makes therapy such an exciting and rewarding, if challenging and sometimes painful, endeavour.

What all these scenarios have in common is a recognition that whatever the problem might be, the solution is at least partially located inside of us. Notice that I’m not locating the source of the problem inside, only the solution. A clear example is childhood trauma: the source of the issue has nothing to do with your choices or actions. It is not in any way your fault. But you are the only person who can take charge of your own healing, and therapy can help.

And so, we have answered the question “what kinds of problems can therapy help with?” Any problem that can be fully or partially resolved through inner work. In other words, the task of therapy is to help you engage with your own experience, both to shift that experience and discover your agency to change your circumstances. Most people discover that they have more control over their world than they thought.

However, it’s important to note that no one has complete control, and no one ever will. With that in mind, it’s worth acknowledging that therapy is not a cure-all. It cannot directly solve the problems of poverty, war, poor housing or ill health, although it can help alleviate the impact of these. Social problems require social solutions. Therapy is, by definition, an individualistic project.

What Is Therapy? Counselling and Psychotherapy Explained

Counselling or psychotherapy can be defined as a dialogue-based intervention with a trained professional aimed at improving mental health. Whether you’re looking for counselling for anxiety, depression, or grief, the goal is improved wellbeing.

But what is it really, and how can it ease the distress we feel? We can offer various definitions, each contributing something to our understanding, and each incomplete on its own.

Firstly, we might say that therapy is about talking. There are other forms of therapy, such as art therapy, music therapy and equine therapy, but without a qualifier, the word ‘therapy’ usually refers to an activity that involves mostly talking. But this is an oversimplification, because therapy can also be about silence (the opposite of talking), and about what is not being said, cannot be said, or cannot yet be put into words.

Next, we might add that therapy is relational. It involves two humans. Once again, our definitions are fuzzy, because there are online programmes based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) that can be completed without any direct contact between humans. Many related activities can feel therapeutic, such as talking to ChatGPT. But therapy proper involves building a relationship – a therapeutic alliance – between at least two people.

Thirdly, therapy involves focusing on the client’s experience. It is not primarily about advice giving, the teaching of skills, or the solving of intellectual problems, although all of these might form part of the therapeutic endeavour. Different types of therapy, called modalities, center client experience differently and to varying degrees, but if experience is discounted or dismissed, then what is happening is not therapy.

And finally, the goal of therapy is some kind of positive change in the inner world of the client, which often has a ripple effect on the outside world. In other words, when our experience changes – for example, we start to feel differently – we often also start making different decisions, and forging different relationships, which objectively and measurably change our world beyond our internal workings.

Again, modalities differ in terms of how closely they set out to guide this change process: at one end of the spectrum, we have CBT with a strong process-guiding focus (“here’s what to do to effect change”), and at the other, person-centred and existential modalities, which are predicated on the seemingly paradoxical idea that change starts with acceptance. In practice, this might take the form of structured exercises in CBT, to be completed between sessions, and unstructured, free-flowing conversation in a person-centred session. I will explain my own therapeutic style in a moment, but you can also visit the Therapy page if you’re interested, or arrange a consultation with me.

How Does Therapy Help?

The main way therapy helps is through insight, acceptance, and new ways of relating that lead to lasting change. Let’s go into a bit more detail about how therapy can achieve all this.

There are various mechanisms that underlie effective therapy, and the modalities differ in how much they value and prioritise each of these. For example, CBT and its many branches focus on learning to interrogate our thoughts and change our behaviours. The argument is that since we can’t directly change our emotions (have you ever tried to will an emotion away?) we should concentrate on what we can change: replace unhelpful thinking patterns with helpful ones, and change our behaviours, and the emotional change will follow.

All modalities value insight, that is, a new understanding of who we are and how we function. In other words, a big part of what therapy can offer is clarity: things that seemed puzzling, mysterious or confusing slowly begin to make sense. There are always aspects of our experience and functioning that are outside our awareness, and one of the aims of therapy is to bring as much into our awareness as possible.

The more we understand ourselves, the more agency we have to change things. However, it’s important to remember that this is about progress, not perfection or completion. Nobody achieves 100% self-awareness. Good therapy is also not synonymous with ‘tough love.’ Your therapist should certainly be honest and authentic, but that doesn’t mean tearing down someone’s defences. Stated another way, insight should be gained at a pace that feels manageable.

Although insight often comes from looking at the past, another important function of therapy is to connect us with our experience in the present moment. This is a special skill, and if you’ve never practised checking in with yourself in the present, you might struggle at the start to verbalise what’s going on for you. The good news is that, like all other skills, it can be developed. All good therapy should be mindful of the client’s in-the-moment experience, even when a story about the past is being told.

I always ask my clients multiple times how they feel during a session, because their answer at any given time might be radically different from even a few seconds ago. Sometimes people are surprised by that question, and sometimes they find themselves unable to say how they feel, and that is 100% OK. These are not tests you can fail. They are invitations to practise identifying and naming emotions, thoughts, sensations, and anything else you might notice about your experience in a given moment. In this sense, although it can involve intellectual discovery, therapy is experiential.

The Power of Acceptance

And finally, even though therapy is predicated on the hope for change, one of its superpowers is acceptance, also called non-judgement. What this means is that in therapy you’ll learn to accept and understand parts of you that you don’t like, and you’ll also experience being fully accepted by another. This can be transformative for two reasons.

One, many of us struggle with self-acceptance. We tend to be a lot harder on ourselves than on other people. Think about the language you use in your head when you’re unhappy with something you’ve done. Do you ever berate yourself? Would you use those words if a friend had done the same thing?

When our therapist is kind, compassionate and accepting, we experience ‘being OK’ despite all our flaws, real or imagined. Our therapist is in a powerful position to model acceptance for us, so that we can begin to cultivate a similar attitude of acceptance, understanding and compassion towards ourselves.

Two, this acceptance links back to our previous point about connecting with our experience. When we stop judging our thoughts, feelings etc., we actually start to notice them more. The more we notice, the more data we have. The more data we have, the better informed our decisions will be. For example, the more clearly I can articulate how I feel in the company of another person, the easier I can make decisions about whether to spend time with them. I may decide to lean into my most nurturing friendships, limit my time with my much-loved but overly critical parents, or actively distance myself socially from people at work who keep bringing me down.

Because therapists are human, therapy also offers us a unique opportunity to build a good relationship. This is hugely important for people who were not able to form healthy relationships when they were young. If you never got the chance to learn good patterns of relating then you might not even know what a good, trusting relationship feels like.

The therapeutic alliance is a professional relationship, but it works best when both people involved show up as authentically as they can. In a solid therapeutic relationship you can make mistakes and learn how to fix them. This rupture and repair dynamic is absolutely vital to a happily peopled life. Unless you have somehow attained perfection and you plan on finding perfect humans to make friends with, date and/or marry, you’ll need those skills to manage the relationships that are important to you.

My clients often find unexpected joy in our feline companion.

Therapy in Practice: What to Expect

Let’s take a look at how you can access counselling in the UK and what format it usually takes.

We will cover how to find a good therapist in a future post, but, broadly speaking, you have three options if you decide to seek therapy in the UK. You can be referred by your GP, self-refer to a charity, or go private. Some examples of charities offering counselling in the Glasgow area include Lifelink, the Tom Allan Service, and Spark. With free and reduced-cost counselling, there are usually waiting lists and a limited number of sessions on offer.

If you are in a position to be able to afford private practice, you will have more choice in who you work with and what kind of therapy you go for. Directories such as the Counselling Directory, Psychology Today, or the directories of professional organisations such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy offer a good starting point and usually allow you to search by location and modality as well as presenting issue. Another great way to find a therapist is word of mouth, although bear in mind that someone who might be an excellent fit for your best friend may not be the best person for you, because we are all different with different needs, expectations and relational patterns.

Directory profiles will often list fees and availability, and these details are worth looking at before you make contact. When you email the therapist or therapists you’re interested in, it’s helpful to give a brief overview of what you’re struggling with. Most therapists offer either a free initial session or a free introductory call. These are a good opportunity for you to gauge how comfortable you feel with them, and to ask any question you might have about the process, their background, the practical details, or anything else you would like to know.

You might feel nervous in your first session, and that’s completely normal! Remember that therapists also go to therapy, often as part of their training, and also simply because they, too, are human. So they’ll have an idea of what it’s like to be sitting in that chair. Some might take a history in the first session (ask you about your life up to this point), others might ask you to fill out a form or formulate a plan for the session. But more commonly, they will ask you something like “What brings you here?” or “Where would you like to start today?”

At some point (possibly even before your first session), you will agree with your therapist about how frequently you’ll meet, and whether there is an end date or review date you’ll be working towards. Sessions usually last 50 minutes, and the work is often open-ended in private practice.

Ending Therapy: How Do You Know It’s Time?

You might be surprised to hear that therapy often comes to a natural end: most of the time, both client and therapist have an internal sense that an end point is coming. It’s difficult to quantify change, but there often comes a point where the client feels, and is doing, much better, and they agree that it’s time to stop or pause the work.

Again, remember that you can’t complete therapy as if it was a training course. But you can decide, in conversation with your therapist, that you have grown enough to… I don’t want to say go it alone, because the truth is that we all need people around us to fulfil some of the functions of therapy. We need loved ones to help us process our experience; this need is fundamental to us as social animals, and never goes away.

But once we’re well enough, we can stop or take a break from formal therapy, and see what we can take from the therapy room out into real life. Irvin Yalom called therapy “dress rehearsal for life.” If you can carry the interpersonal skills, the self-acceptance and acceptance of others, the connection with your experience, the relationality, the confidence, the clarity and the joy into the rest of your life, then therapy will have done its job.

Holistic Therapy in Glasgow and Online: The Therapy Gym

If you are considering counselling in the Glasgow area, you may want to know what makes my approach unique, and how it could support your wellbeing. There are different ways I can describe how I work: its foundations are person-centred, it is strongly relational, and always holistic (considering all of you, not just the ‘problem parts’).

I chose to train in a person-centred way because it was closely aligned with my personal values: empathy, authenticity and unconditional acceptance (all of which will be explored in detail in future posts). This has always appealed to me because it is as close to a non-hierarchical way of working as you can get. Being the therapist doesn’t mean you always know better; in fact, the client holds immense knowledge and wisdom that can be tapped into. So the work is always collaborative. In practice, this means me asking questions like:

·       “How has this session been for you?”

·       “I’m wondering if we could do this… how does that sound?”

·       “How would it feel to…”

·       “What feels important to you right now?”

My work is relational because it hinges on the connection between the two of us. The more authentically we both show up, the more trust we build, the easier change becomes. I’m a trained professional, but I’m not perfect: I make mistakes, and the mistakes themselves become grist for the therapy mill: if we can work through them, it will strengthen our relationship, and create even more space for healing and growth.

Because I take a holistic view – I’m interested in you as a whole person, not just your anxiety, your depression, or your unhelpful habits – I also believe that true wellbeing requires nurturing the mind and the body, which is why I offer holistic counselling and personal training in Glasgow, as well as online. Traditional psychotherapy has focused on the mind and largely ignored the body, even though the two are deeply intertwined. For example, your mood can influence your motivation to move, and vice versa. So, alongside my traditional therapy practice – the 50-minute talking sessions – I also work in ways that are more physicality-based. I’m a coach and yoga teacher, and a deep appreciation of the mind-body connection underpins all the work I do.

Are You Ready for Therapy?

If all this has made you want to start therapy, great! The best time to get started is [drumroll] now. And now you know how.

Do you have any questions about any of the above? Have I left anything out? Anything you want to know more about? Drop me a message.

Are you interested in working with me? You can find out more about the different services I offer on the Therapy, Personal training and Holistic wellbeing pages. Feel free to contact me with questions about my holistic mind-body approach, to give feedback, to arrange a free consultation, or just to say hello.